beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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