why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
