Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize