I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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