we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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