they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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