Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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