peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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