READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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