He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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