I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
