Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had to cum in my sink.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
