walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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