Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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