Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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