OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
