sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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