her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
