New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize