Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
