how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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