Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
