shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
