i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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