ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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