They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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