Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
