If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
