my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
