my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We are all done wearing pants today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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