she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
