Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
