he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
