PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
