Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
