you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
