those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
