sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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