I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
