I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
