I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
