I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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