pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
