I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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