I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
