I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
