oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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