So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
