if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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