I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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