I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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