If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
