he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
