I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
