nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
