yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
