Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
