There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize