You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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