just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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