I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
