you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
