I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
being pregnant is like rehab
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
